Dedicated to all my past and future boyfriends
Step 1: Store all ex-girlfriend-belongings in bag. Proceed to hide bag in closet.
Step 2: Buy new soap. Take long shower. Use new soap.
Step 3: Store all reminders of ex-girlfriend in second bag. Proceed to hide in closet.
Step 4: Call friend. Talk to friend. Call more friends. Keep talking.
Step 5: Return to life as usual. Maintain daily routines.
Step 6: Delete number. Hide pictures. Unfollow.
Step 7: Breathe. A lot.
Step 8: Return ex-girlfriend-belongings (already conveniently assembled in bag.)
Step 9: Make new memories with items in second bag. They’re yours, not hers. And you’re yours, too.
Step 10: Get out there. Meet new psycho girlfriend. Repeat process.